April 13 2001 GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE
15
bigtips
How can I do something really special for her?
by M.T. "the Big Tipper" Martone
Dear Big Tipper,
I am seeking advice about what are some nice things to do for a girlfriend.
My girlfriend was telling me about how her friend at work's husband brought her flowers and took her on a romantic train ride, and I think my sweetheart deserves treats every day of her life, but I tend to not be very successful with my gifts.
I've brought her flowers, but we're a little tight for money these days. She said she loved them, but I think she was nervous about the cost. I've bought her little knickknacks based on the nicknames we have for each other, but she's not the type to keep a lot of little things around. I just want to bring a smile to her beautiful face.
Knick Knack Paddywhack
Dear Throw the Girl a Bone,
You just need to remember: You're doing these things for her, not for you.
So you might show her this letter. You've gotten some really sweet things about her published for the price of a stamp. Bring her little things that she'll probably buy anyway, like a pack of her favorite gum (not your favorite).
Do something that you know she doesn't want to do, but is planning to do herself, like changing the oil in the car. Or going into the video store and renting some pornography. A shy girl might like some smut that she'd never be brave enough to go get for herself. Some morning that she has to be up and out early, get up and make her breakfast, or pack her a lunch. Make her a little card, or collage, and leave her a note.
Ultimately it's impossible for me to make a list because the gestures that have genuine sweetness are those that you've thought of
specifically for her. But not buying any more figurines is a good start.
Dear Big Tipper,
If a person has sex with someone that they're really not supposed to, do you think it's possible to just pretend it never happened?
I had sex with my lover's brother and the brother's boyfriend. My lover is out of town for the semester studying in Greece, and we've always been very social with his brother and his partner.
They were over a few nights ago, and we were drinking and joking around, then "Rick” (the boyfriend) said that "John" (brother) had shaved his ass that afternoon, and did I want to see, and then my face was right there, and the next thing you know, I'm going at it, and Rick has my pants down at my ankles.
It was incredibly hot, probably because I know I'll be screwed if "Ben" (my lover) ever finds out. We used to have sex in public when we first met, blow jobs in bathrooms and the park behind our neighborhood church, but over the year we've been together, that's stopped.
I didn't realize how much I miss the excitement until I had his brother slapping up against my ass. What am I going to do? I really don't want my lover to leave me, and he'll be really pissed if he finds out, but at the same time I want to go over there and get fucked again tonight.
I'm wondering if we just do it until he
comes home; if you've ever heard of a situation like this working out.
He's Greek, I'm Active
Dear Brother, Who Ate Thou? Sure, you have my permission to pretend it didn't happen. But people are pretty leaky, so unless the three of you are each about a million years old and about to die in the next ten minutes, the odds of this staying a secret are pretty slim.
BIG TIPS
(That's probably why most people just have affairs with one other person at a time: There are 33% fewer people who could crack.)
Issues of cheating aside, you have some decisions to make right now. Is the sex with your lover really not so great, or is the memory paling in his absence? If it's not really the kind of sex you want to be having, do you think it will ever change with him? If you suspect it won't ever change back to the wild public nights of your early courtship, and you really need that kind of action, I'd recommend that you sheepishly confess, and let the chips fall where they may.
(I assume that the three of you bad, bad boys already decided you wouldn't tell on each other. If you decide to confess, don't
drag them into it. Just say it was with two guys, and leave it at that. Don't compound the cheating with bad juju.)
If he kicks you to the curb when you confess, it'll be a little easier because you already know you need something else in a relationship.
If he doesn't throw you over, your "crime" is the perfect opening for a long talk about what you really need to be happy with one other person. Who knows? Maybe he wants it too, and has just gotten distracted by daily life, or thought you didn't want it any more either.
If you decide that you really, desperately love him, and must be with him for the rest of your life, lying is an option, and may be the only thing that keeps him there in the short run. If the three of you haven't told anyone else, maybe it won't come out. If you are the type who can trust other people with hiding information to keep your relationship from imploding, and who doesn't tend to get nauseous from guilt, it might work.
But if he finds out later, you better pray that it's because you're dead and he's going through your newspaper clippings and finds this suspicious letter. Because he's going to be pissed.
I'll spend the next few months hoping really hard for you that he's getting some ass of his own over there, and that he confesses to you first. But even in this scenario, really, don't mention who you were with.
Burning questions? Contact me at the Chronicle, attention Big Tips, P.O. Box 5426, Cleveland 44101, or fax to 216631-1052, e-mail
or
martone@drizzle.com.
to
Film festival
Continued from page 11 Scout's Honor
Saturday, April 28, 7 pm
This year's Sundance Film Festival gave the Audience Award for Documentary to Tom Shepard's Scout's Honor. This film will close the GLBT Film Festival.
Shepard will be on hand to introduce his timely and poignant work. The 57-minute documentary traces the conflict between the anti-gay policies of the Boy Scouts of America and the movement of many of its members to overturn these discriminatory practices. The film intersperses the interviews of two
Not Feeling Yourself?
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gay members, one age 12 and the other 70, with a series of segments portraying the allAmerican nature of the Boy Scouts. The film is frank, open and blunt in its dialogue. It is evident that the two men interviewed here have great pain in speaking out against an institution they so deeply love and cherish. The film, above all, proves that "boys will be boys" and that old habits die hard, if ever they do.
This year's festival promises to have something for everyone and is more diverse in its offerings than festivals in the past. The festival runs Thursday, April 26 through Saturday, April 28. All films will be screened in the film and video theatre at the Wexner Center for the Arts. Call 614-292-3535 for program and ticket information.
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